#CrystalGrayYoga asks "Are you called to serve a
previous version of yourself?"
I took some time to digest this question before writing
about it. First, who IS the previous version of myself? Before yoga, especially
the yoga I've experienced over the last 4 or so years with my current teacher,
I was mired in a state of anxiety. There are things I can do now that I could
never do before. In the past 2 years, a couple of things I've done are: I've
gotten my driver's license (the first part anyway) and I have received my 350
hour yoga teacher certification.
Even the thought of the 2.5 hour drive with anyone but my
husband would've been out of the question a few years ago. Even the thought of
sitting in class for 20 hours a weekend would've been out of the question as
well. The very thought of teaching classes would've been completely and utterly
out of the question. Now, I not only rode with a friend to and from Toronto for
8 months, but I enjoyed it and had no issues at all with anxiety related to the
drive. Now, I not only sat in class for 20 hours a weekend, but I enjoyed it
and made lasting relationships with the other teachers in training as well.
Now, I get in front of people and I teach (still working on the comfort level
of that one, but I EVEN taught in front of my teacher training teacher, who is
brilliant and amazing and I was terribly nervous to teach in front of her.)
So, am I called to serve the previous version of myself?
Yes, and more. I want to give others what my teacher gave me. I want them to
breathe easier, to find bliss in their daily lives, to find themselves content
with who they are. Basically, I want to help people past anxiety by giving them
the tools to breathe and meditate, even while in the middle of circumstances
they might find difficult, just as I have learned. What do I mean by "and
more?" I am not going to stop at people with anxiety, because that is not
everyone (lucky ducks!) I serve the previous version of myself, and everything
in between.
Will I be perfect at it? No. I'm learning as I go, just like
everyone else. What is the hardest part about that? Telling that previous
version of myself, "You are enough." Even when I make mistakes, when
I question what I'm doing, when I give in to fear, I have to keep remembering
to tell that previous version of myself, "You are enough."
Maybe, just maybe, it's sinking in...
Bodysensing Meditation
Do you feel like your body is reacting very strongly to
stress? Bodysensing meditation, as described in Yoga Journal, is a technique
that teaches us to notice the body's more subtle cues so that we can avoid the
more distressing or harmful stress-related conditions, like crippling anxiety
or high blood pressure.
Let's try it with a meditation I put together that focuses
on the joints:
Lying down, start to notice your breath. In and out through
the nostrils. Focus on the breath moving in and out of the nostrils for a
minute or two.
Then start noticing the body, the joints, slowly going over
each. To slow it down even more, go over first one side and then the other
(left foot, left ankle, etc.)
Notice your toes. Notice the feet. Wiggle the toes, bend the
toes. Flex and point the feet. Notice the sensations in them. Welcome any
sensations you feel there without judgment or reaction (they simply ARE. Accept
what comes without putting a label on it, such as good or bad or painful.)
Notice the ankles. Circle the ankles and turn them side to
side. Notice the sensations in them. Welcome any sensations you find there
without judgment or reaction.
Notice the knees. Bend the knees. Notice any sensations in
them. Welcome any sensations you find there without judgment or reaction.
Notice the thighs. Rotate your thighs in the hip sockets by
circling the leg around. Notice any sensations in them. Welcome any sensations
you find there without judgment or reaction.
Notice the hips and pelvis. Move the hips side to side or
circle them around. Notice any sensations in them. Welcome any sensations you
find there without judgment or reaction.
Move over the belly, the chest and up to the shoulders.
Notice the shoulders. Circle them around. Notice any
sensations in them. Welcome any sensations you find there without judgment or
reaction.
Notice the elbows. Bend the elbows. Notice any sensations in
them. Welcome any sensations you find there without judgment or reaction.
Notice the wrists. Circle them around. Notice any sensations
in them. Welcome any sensations you find there without judgment or reaction.
Notice the fingers. Bend them. Notice any sensations in
them. Welcome any sensations you find there without judgment or reaction.
Notice the neck. Nod. Turn the head side to side. Notice any
sensations in them. Welcome any sensations you find there without judgment or
reaction.
Notice the jaw. Open and close it. Notice any sensations in
them. Welcome any sensations you find there without judgment or reaction.
Notice the skull. Notice the joints at the back of the
skull, just at the base. Turn the head side to side. Notice any sensations
there. Welcome any sensations you find there without judgment or reaction.
Notice the spine. Run your thoughts down each vertebrae.
Move your torso side to side. Notice any sensations in the spine. Welcome any
sensations you find there without judgment or reaction.
Now, use the breath to drop into the body's subtle tensions,
making your way over each joint again. Watch the breath at each point, inhaling
and noticing any tension without judgment or reaction and exhaling as you
imagine release the tension with your breath.
Come to stillness. Notice how you feel without judgment or
reaction.
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